Baby Showers, Bar Mitzvahs, Quinceneras, Weddings, Anniversaries. . . those are all life events and times to celebrate.  As somber as the loss of a loved one can be, it can also be a time to celebrate the life they led and share those memories….hence the name Memorial Service.  It is a time to gather with friends and family and embrace the memories of your loved one.

We recently had the honor of helping a family plan the memorial service for the family patriarch.  This family man chose to raise his family in San Diego as opposed to his native Boston.  However, many of his children (now adults) found themselves in various parts of the country and there was still a rather large contingent of family on the East Coast.  This situation prompted the family to hold two services: one in San Diego and the other in Boston.

With all the grief that accompanies the passing of such a loved family member, it can be difficult to plan the service…let alone two.  So the family sought us out to assist them with the plans they had for the San Diego memorial service.  It was a small gathering of 50 people at the father’s home, which contained photos and awards from his days in the service as a boxer as well as photos dating as far back as the turn of the century.  It was quite humbling to be in the presence of a such a well documented family history.

Because the family hired us as well as a professional caterer to assist them, they were able to focus their attention on each other, the memories, and the stories of their dearly departed.  It was very special to hear this man’s children tell stories of growing up in that home.  They told a story of how the ducks come around every year (much like the swallows in San Juan Capistrano), go door to door searching for food and knocking on the doors with their beaks until you feed them.  Its a memory special to that family and that home that we were honored to partake in.  And when the ducks showed up at the doorstep on that very day the family, friends and neighbors all gathered around to talk to the ducks and share their own special memories.  I cannot say enough how humbled and honored we were to help this family.

I love home weddings!  Whether the home belongs to the Bride & Groom, the parents, an aunt and uncle or a very close family friend; home weddings strike an emotional chord that a wedding at another location sometimes cannot.  You are really and truly entering the role of host and hostess because you are literally inviting people into your home (or your aunt’s home).

There are challenges to planning a backyard wedding though.  The biggest hurdle is the fact that you have to bring in everything!  But I actually see that as a blessing.  When you bring in everything from the caterer to the linen company, you are really able to customize your wedding to your specifications.  You have the caterer of your choice, the linens of your choice, whatever alcohol you choose and whatever quantity you choose.  It really opens the doors to planning a day that suits not only your taste and style but also your budget.

However, because there are so many details involved with a backyard wedding that is where it can become critical to hire someone to help you at least manage the day, if not the last few months.  If you’re having a small party of 50 people then you may not be blindsided with a heap of last minute details.  But if you’re having a party of 100  or more you better make sure the details are covered…like that you have enough bathrooms and toilet paper!  Simple things like that can often be overlooked because we take for granted that those points are automatically covered at a typical wedding location (I don’t believe I have ever seen a hotel advertise free use of their bathrooms as part of their wedding package even though it is included).

The other big plus for a backyard wedding is that you are not tied to a set amount of hours, but depending on your city you may have to abide by sound restrictions (unless your neighbors are totally understanding or you have no neighbors).  Having worked in Los Angeles, I frequented Malibu homes on several occasions for events, but you have to cut the music off at 10pm because of noise ordinances.  Now that I’m in San Diego I have learned that San Diego County and Temecula have similar restrictions.  So making sure you educate yourself on fine points like that and going out of your way to be respectful of the neighbors can really save you a headache that day…because do you really want the police knocking at the door asking for you to shut down the party?

The other potential drawback of a backyard wedding is the clean up.  The clean up can be the most painful part of the evening if its not properly planned for.  So make sure your vendors (especially the caterer) are true professionals because their hard work and professionalism will save you time and energy at the end of the night.

Happy Planning!

Have a question on planning a backyard wedding?  Leave a comment and I’ll post a response!